Scalpshearing

This afternoon, my friends, we are going to talk about the trial of having one's hairs cut. As you are all surely aware, I have my hairs cut on a bimonthly basis, and my most recent endeavor of this kind was the preceding Friday. My plan was to be shorn most beautifully, so that when my much beloved friends saw me the next day, they would be struck with awe. Thus I ventured unto my local hairs-cutting institution on Friday afternoon, requesting a most excellent hairs-cut.

Having arrived and having placed myself in the mechanical chair, I was asked what I wanted done. I responded that I wanted a most excellent haircut so as to strike my much beloved friends with awe, using such words as "off the ears" and "off the collar." It is all part of a standard speech that I deliver each time I have my hairs cut. What is interesting, however, is that I neglected to mention that my hairs part on the left, a truth that I believed to be self evident, such as that we are endowed by our Creator with inalienable rights to life, liberty, and property (which is the pursuit of happiness). Of course, I also believe that the impossibility of an actual infinite is self-evident, but not everyone agrees. I would bet that she who cut my hair would not agree.

So my hairs were cut with wanton disregard for the natural necessity of my hairs to part on the left. Furthermore it was at the first attempt cut to an insufficient shortness. Thus I requested most kindly that my hairs be shortened more, and it was so. Not wishing to upset she who held many blades near my flesh, I ceased my demands after that request, hoping that all else might be well, trusting in my inability to truly judge these things. This was the best thing to do, but my hairs-cut could no longer be most excellent, only perfectly acceptable.

Maybe next time I shall be styled in a way that is sufficiently awesome. In conclusion, though the sky hangs darkly overhead, it does not seem to want to surrender any summer rain.