I've gone fishing over the rainbow.

I think I may have finally become legitimately insane. In response to dark and cold Frustration against brightly shining Revelation, I have elected to drop out of the Conservatory, ceasing all formal musical education forever, instead joining the College of Arts and Sciences to study History and probably Philosophy in addition. I just need to work out a few more details of the next year to year and a half of my life, for if I do not work it out now, it will take longer than a year to a year and a half.

Here is the issue: the Conservatory tells me I am a bizarre anomaly of a Freshperson with a Sophomore's credit in all but the area of Music History--my would-be major. Also, the Conservatory tells me that I must sing for one hour per day, thrice per week, in a choral group for all my three years of Conservatory training, one that meets from 4:00 to 4:50 in the afternoon, a thoroughly despicable time of day for doing something thoroughly unpleasant. I know I already discussed this, but I am discussing it some more, as it is just that infuriating. Also, having attended Conservatory classes today, I am greatly offended at the aforesaid institution, from which my adviser has been nothing but unkind to me and whose professors are graduate students. Heed this: that the Conservatory's undergraduate program, unless you are a mighty Performer, is vastly overrated, so with a smile, I say good-bye to the Conservatory and its clean and attractive building (except for the basement, which smells dirty, like Miami University).

So just as the Conservatory says I am a Freshperson with sophomoric tendencies, the Academy tells me that I am some kind of Super-Junior, and at the end of this quarter (December), I will be a Senior. Do you know what this means? Having looked at every single requirement for History majoring in detail, I have determined that I can easily graduate after the fall quarter of 2009, maybe a quarter more for a double major with Philosophy, which combination I am still working out, having also investigated every single requirement for a Philosophy degree. Regardless, I will graduate in less than three years total, that is, in no more than a year and a half from now, if all goes according to plan.

Let us summarize our prime points, then:
1. I am abandoning my musical education forever, despite having spent more than a year trying very hard to reach this point. This is defensible because I will continue to study music on my own as I always have (being unable to help it), having never taken a formal music course before, anyway. I am writing my own theory manual, by the way, and it will be the best theory manual ever.
2. I am becoming a History major (almost certainly with a double major in Philosophy), exactly what I was when I entered the Academy, then Miami University (which would not give me nearly as much AP credit as the University of Cincinnati because Miami University is a den of theives). This exhibits circularity, a staple in G.K. Chesterton's view of madness, with which I heartily agree.
3. I just accused the Miami University administration of thievery and meant it.
4. I would also like to accuse the Miami University student body of a self-absorbed and imagined sense of entitlement, a classic symptom of adolescent Bourgeoitis. They demonstrated this by demonstrating last week, embarrassing me for ever having associated myself with that school.
5. I see no red squiggle under Bourgeoitis, so my only hope is that they are not displaying right now. Also, Adolescent is a severe insult in my vocabulary.
6. I figured out how to earn a History degree by Spring of 2009, but I wouldn't survive.
7. Ergo, I must be insane. QED

I would now like to note that I am not full of just negative feelings, pessimism, blind fury, and unbearable frustration. In fact, I am not even full of all those things. There are many positives, such as my living arrangements and my nice roommate; they are simply not as exciting as my having become insane. In conclusion, I am planning a magical fishing trip.

The Autumnal Equinox

Did you balance an egg, my friends? It is said among the sages that one can balance an egg on the Autumnal Equinox, and this is true; however, what is often neglected is the fact that one can just as easily balance an egg on any other day of the year. It is still a proud tradition, though, one to be acknowledged most fully.

Let me tell you now of my Equinox, as I believe it will make me feel better, 'cause the Man's got me down. On this Equinox, I was informed that my plans to fulfill the Conservatory's ensemble requirement are unacceptable, and this is the case on an entirely irrational basis. What am I to expect, though? Musicians are trained in music, not in rational thought, something that they predictably almost never exhibit. Thus they tell me that the only musical ensemble I can possibly join is an idiot choral group that meets at an idiotic time of day; however, investigation has yielded the knowledge that all the musical ensembles (excepting the one I had planned) meet far too frequently and at idiotic times of day. Curse you, the Man!

That is not the only thing the Man tells me on this Equinox. The Man also tells me that I am not allowed to pursue my studies with the vigor I would like. Instead they say that I proceed slowly according to the Code. I say, the Code is more like a guideline, and if I want to pursue my studies with exceptional vigor, any reasonable scholar ought to heed my most beautiful argument and let me learn. Unfortunately, we are not dealing with reasonable scholars that will understand the most beautiful (hence, true) argument. We are dealing with musicians, which can only follow the Code or be swayed by intense emotional experience. I think I will respond in my standard infuriated form saying, I will not take any of these futile courses; I shall study them independently. They are music history courses, so I am fairly certain I can do this. Such was my reaction when the previous Academy (that is, its music department) told me things I did not want to hear, not heeding the most beautiful argument. This is why Wednesday morning will be the first formal Music Theory course that I have ever taken.

EDIT: This is small because it is no longer true.
On the bright side of the Equinox, I have solved the problem of language, for I wish to take a language, but irreconcilable scheduling conflicts have prevented my continuing with Greek at the present juncture. Thus I have found that Hebrew fits very neatly into my morning, and so it shall be. There are two ways to take this course: the intense way and the half-as-intense way. The intense way meets every day and covers everything in one year. The half-as-intense way does the same in twice the time, but it is currently at its midpoint, so I must take Hebrew intensely.

Now, besides egg balancing, how should the Equinox have been celebrated? Why, by harvesting of course! Last Tuesday night, I witnessed a very lovely, orange harvest moon, and that day I ate of delicious tomatoes that had been harvested from my grandparents' garden. Thus the Equinox and the surrounding season is for harvesting and feasting on the harvested crop, in addition to the mandatory bonfires that any self-respecting person must build, lest the sacrifices be impossible. Happy Autumnal Equinox, but remember, the really big day is not until Samhain!

Velocipedes and Dirigibles (For the Children)

Here it is! Here it is! It is a story that I made for the children and for the children of heart and for Sean McHone, complete with illustrations, soon to be complete with musical accompaniment! Admittedly, some of the illustrations (such as that of the elephant or of the silver hat box) probably tempt the true Artist to berate me severely, but that is just fine. The true Calligrapher probably feels the same way, but I do not care! The pseudo-calligraphy is only for effect and hopefully for increased readability. My usual handwriting can be rather difficult, especially when I choose to write the first letter of a word, draw a line, then represent the appearance of the likeness of the last letter of that same word. I do hope that you, one of two-or-three regular readers, who are both a true Artist and a true Calligrapher, find my attempts at both these Arts acceptable. Also, I encourage the posting of the Proclamation Concerning Hats hither even unto yon.

Let me now explain that ideally this text is to be read aloud, preferably by an Englishman like Ringo Starr, and the musical accompaniment is to be inserted according to the musical directions. I can be vague, I have not even started writing the music. In the course of this reading, the pictures are to be shown to the children, all of whom will well with delight. Now I just need to find some children, for currently I have almost exclusively children of heart. Hurrah for children!

Now, ye children of heart, enjoy the fruit of my thoughts:

The Future is Soon

I had planned on giving my friends an update on Sunday, but then I lost access to technology. When the household scanner regains power, however (for my home is yet without it), and I return to said household, it is going to be great. Trust me.

EDIT (17 September, around 9:00 pm): Ultimate power!

Tone Color

Greetings, O friends. Today I wish to tell you about color and music, for surely we know that music and color are inseparable. Indeed, ask any university's music faculty, and they will tell you all about the importance of tone color, indeed, everything short of what they mean by it. I have spent a fair amount of time around music faculty, so I have heard a great deal myself about how this or that musician needs to improve the tone color in performing this or that piece of music. What is the poor musician to do when faced with such a demand? What am I to do when more tone color is demanded from me? In general, I just try to play the music in question generally better, and this seems to make the music faculty happy. Clearly among my improvements was an increase in tone color, but which improvement it might have been I cannot say, and there is an excellent reason for this.

I cannot say because tone color does not exist. It is one of many absurd sophistries on which artists and the critics thereof thrive. Artists, of course, are notoriously bad at disciplines other than their particular Art, and very frequently they are not so excellent at that, either, so imagination must replace rationality as the primary reasoning center when dealing with such subjects as wordsmithery, philosophy, and history. Rather than provide a sound and objective technical criticism, subjectivity takes the day, and music faculty turn immediately to their vague sophistries to try to say what they do not understand to say, understanding only that something needs to be said, and that is, "Play it better, as we train you to do." Spare us, therefore, this nonsense about tone color and the worst offense of all, the will to crescendo (or whatever physically impossible technique you may wish to hear). Please simply tell me what possible improvement I can make, even if it is as general as, "Play better." For I hate sophists, even if I might be one.

Now, as long as we are talking about tone color, though, I would like to say that I have wholly subconsciously assigned colors to the twelve tones of our Western musical system. They are approximately these, and no others:

A A#/Bb B C C#/Db D D#/Eb E F F#/Gb G G#/Ab

Now when we speak of tone color, let us do so rationally, according to this system. I want to hear the music faculty say, "Make your F#'s blacker...blacker than the blackest black...times infinity!" and blast it, those will be the blackest F#'s the world has ever heard! I will show you just how black an F# can be! These are real tone colors; these are objective and playable tone colors; for they are true for me, a posteriori. In the Arts, after all, we are both allowed and expected to embrace explicit contradictions, even and especially ones that defy the physical limitations of acoustics.

Also,
Metal!