Friendship According to Carl E. Seashore

Hello again, my friends. I very much like to speak with you, as it is good for the organs, and where there are healthy organs, as the doctor says, there is laughter. This is because one of the organs is the spleen, the source of all good humor. Any Sixteenth Century physician will tell you this is true.

From a book, a funny little book, I have gained some important insights as to the psychology of friendship. This book is the 1939 work Psychology of Music by Carl E. Seashore. It covers many topics, including psychology, music, primitive peoples and their expressions, the wonders of positivism (note the year), and the wonders of friendship.

Seashore first advises us that "memory is like a friend; trust him and he will be true to you. This rule requires a careful planning and a well-sustained policy in order thay you may not have any difficulty in practicing by recall instead of by impression."

I personally suggest formulating this policy through careful empirical investigation and experimentation, utilizing the scientific method to its fullest degree. This policy should then be formulated using the amazing powers of human reason, being recorded on a living document, sustainable for the proper practice.

Not long after, he says "Recognize your friend and he will recognize you; cut your friend and he will cut you."

Now, this one is a bit more useful in normal human interaction. I cannot tell you, my readers, how often I have been forced to suppress my desires to cut you all, nearly every time we meet. It has gotten to the point that I have to leave all my knives locked away at home. I can scarcely carry any sharp object on me at all. I am sure you feel the same way, and I appreciate the fact that you have not cut me, either.

Now that we can approach friendship safely using science and reason, our social lives should be improved tenfold. Using our newfound charismatic abilities, who knows what we can achieve!