Jazz in the Academy

"Twenty minute free-form jazz odysseys are not OK."
-Guitar Hero III, referencing This is Spinal Tap

As a university student, I have learned to play Guitar Hero. It is a requirement to graduate, standard among most academies across the nation. I began with Guitar Hero II, in which I gained the necessary skills to competently pretend to play the guitar. I have a real guitar, you know. If I did not, I would still be able to feel with the tips of the fingers on my left hand. This is not to be taken to mean that I play the real guitar well; I do not. At any rate, recently Guitar Hero III came into being, and my household has made a possession of it. Like its predecessor, it gives friendly advice on the loading screens, like the bit quoted above. That bit is the matter at hand.

Have you ever sat through a twenty minute free-form jazz odyssey? How about a longer one than that? Instead of sitting, did you have to stand because the seats were all full? Have you ever had a best friend? Did you know that it is discouraged to begin a paragraph with a question? I answer, "Yes!" to all of these inquiries, but I respectfully ask myself to mind my own business. Yesterday my chosen cultural event was a "trumpet ensemble." Let me say that "trumpet ensembles" are a bad idea. These wise words, once again from Guitar Hero III, "Turn that amp up, my ears are barely even bleeding," could not apply less. It was truly a painful experience, like unto the shrieks of five banshees directly into the ear, except worse, because at least a banshee will kill you. The wretched noise was not the most unpleasant part, though. About an hour into the concert, the aforementioned half-hour free-form jazz odyssey began, consisting of solo after endlessly repeating figure after solo after endlessly repeating figure after solo after endlessly repeating figure and so on. Then the "trumpet ensemble" had the audacity to play two or three (I do not recall how many; I was disoriented at that point from the jazz odyssey) more works of jazz (usually synonymous with "evil") before at last releasing its poor audience from these cruel tortures.

Following the concert, I needed a while to recover my senses, particularly hearing. If there is one thing to be learnt from this experience (as the British might say), it is that art does sometimes imitate life, but in this case only if life is altogether unpleasant. I leave you on a happy note. It is E flat, specifically the one called Eb 5.