Soon I shall be sending a letter to a deceased person. I will tell this deceased person of my exploits, and I shall offer my thanks for the same individual's being dead. I hope that my gratitude is sufficiently expressed, because I should hate to upset a corpse. It would not much please me for the corpse to come and find me in the form of a zombie and devour my brain. I would not be in the form of a zombie, I mean, the corpse would, though I might find myself a zombie after the event. For this reason I have barricaded myself underground, and I shall not come out except in great secrecy and with guns and armor and rations. I have a black trenchcoat, you know. I have said so before. It is important to battle zombies in style.
There are worse troubles, however, than a zombie assault. Instead of offending the dead with inadequate letters, you might receive the dead's mail. Your union dues must be paid, they might say. Your subscription to something or other has expired. You might already be a winner! (The corpse was not.) Corpses are difficult to care for; they leave behind a terrible mess, and they never do enough to clean it up. It is for this reason the world must be consistently reminded that corpses are dead, and generally afterward it will leave the corpse alone. If, my friends, you are thinking of adopting a corpse or allowing one to use your address, please think again. Perhaps a four-legged beast or a bat will suit you better.
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5 comments:
Josh. Josh. Josh. Josh, why have you chosen the name "Thorvald Erikson?" That is not your name. What significance, if any, does a name such as that play in your life?
Oh and by the way, I have many corpses in my residence. Why, you ask? Well the answer is simple: I am a serial killer. The end.
It is my musical (and internet) pseudonym, honoring two of my favorite composers. Thorvald is an overtly Nordic name, for Edvard Grieg. Erikson recalls the first name of Erik Satie, and it retains the Norwegian character.
Make more interesting comments or I will banish your anonymity.
Bansih my anonymity?? You can only dream of doing such a thing. I hold the power to do anything, and I can use that power to remain anonymous. Good luck, my friend, and good day!
Thorvald, I am assuming that you are genius, for only a true genius would have a blog such as yours. Therefore, I have included several riddles, each of which you must solve if you want to continue your life.
Forward I am heavy, but backward I am not. What am I?
How many bricks does it take to complete a building made of brick?
If there are fifteen crows on a fence and the farmer shoots a third of them, how many crows are left?
How many times can you subtract the
number 5 from 25?
I shall humor your forked tongue, though it mocks me.
ton, one, five dead ones, once
We all know what assuming does, by the way. No one wants that.
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