International Talk Like A Pirate Day

As you should be aware, 19 September is International Talk Like A Pirate Day, ITLAPD or TLAPD for short. This, of course, is one of the most important holy days of the year, just behind Christmas and Easter, not necessarily in that order. That, is, I am inclined to believe that Easter commemorates a slightly more significant occurrence, so I may as well say in the opposite order, except that ITLAPD is still behind them both. It is not to be understood, though that ITLAPD is not important, indeed, it is indeed, as stated, one of the most important holy days of the year, and its patron saint is none other than St. Robert Newton.

Thus this is my annual reminder to the masses, only six days remain from today, the dreaded Thursday the Thirteenth of September, until ITLAPD begins. If anyone would like to join my crew, please sign up by way of comment. In so doing, you sign yourselves over to me for any piratical purposes (plank-walking, plundering and pillaging, etc.) surrounding ITLAPD, and during those times you are to refer to me as The Dread Lord Admiral Edward Gregg, Scourge of the Spanish Main, Swashbuckler Extraordinaire. September 19 and the following weekend shall mark the celebration. We are allowed to use whatever dates we like because we are pirates, and we like to spit in the direction of authority and conformity.

All necessary information is available at the following address:
http://www.talklikeapirate.com

Oh, and by the way, Bartholomew "Black Bart" Roberts is the greatest pirate of all time. This is not a common opinion among the laypeople. That is, the average person might say, "Blackbeard! He was tall!" but this person, being average, is a fool. Being tall and placing slowmatches under one's hat does not make an excellent pirate. Neither does having one's decapitated body swim around Maynard's ship three times before sinking count one as an excellent pirate. An excellent pirate dresses well, captures hundreds of ships, does accountable economic damage to the world, legendarily does not drink alcohol, hosts Sunday church services on one's ship, and is blown to pieces by a cannonball off the Gold Coast of Africa while staring down a British Man'O'War. Bartholomew Roberts did these things! And on the subject of dressing well, the Gentleman Pirate is superior in every way to the filthy, flea-ridden, scurvy sea-dog. Calico Jack Rackham, for example, dressed so well, that he came to be known by the name of his clothes--Calico. Do you not wish to be known by the name of your clothes?