To My Disciples

Some days ago I spake unto my disciples thus:

"O my disciples! Wherefore followest thou me, for my Master is far greater, and He wisheth not that thou followest me, for I am not worthy of being followed. Prithee, disciples, follow my Master, for He will show thee truth, and I have naught but shadows cast in His light!"

But woe! My disciples were not with me when I spake it, and they heard not any of my teaching, and thus they remain mine unwanted followers, and they shall find many new teachings of no value, lest I give ones of value. Wherefore hang they weight upon my words and my doings? If they beheld all my doings, they perhaps would not use their weights on me, but instead place them on my Master, who beareth all weight.

"O my disciples!" I speak, "Renounce me and take up the cross, for it is a noble burden to bear, and it is a necessary burden to bear, lest ye wish to bear the burden of iniquity, which is left behind when thou takest up the cross. For behold! My Master hath taken it all upon his own cross, where he did die, taking with him all thine iniquities, if thou but followest him! 'Repent and be baptized,' saith the Apostle! For my Master hath defeated iniquity in resurrection!"

Alas, but I cry into thin air, which suffocateth me in isolation. Mine heart bursteth with great longing for my Lord and King, and I force its blood to bleed into naught but space! O thinnest of air, which surroundeth a man when he lieth alone, thou art awash with the blood of the Afeared! Thou art bitter with the taste and smell of wasted life and energies ill-spent. Depart, O bitter air, which hath no sweetness, depart and return no more, for then I must seek the breath of Life, lest I perish. For I say unto thee, blood-washed cries into the air stifle life, but spreading the blood createth life anew.

"O disciples! None of thee art here, and thus I myself yet drown alone! I hath mentioned unto thee my Master before, and thou did dismiss Him favoring myself! Woe to my self, the evil villain, the scheming Old Man! Wither doest thou this, and wither saltest thou my wounds? It is like unto salting the earth, for no life may flow from salted earth! Wherefore becomest thou not the salt of this world, rather than the salt of my wounds? Stifle the growth of this world, for it is futile, and allow the growth of the Kingdom of my Lord and King, which endureth for ever. What is this? Laughter in the air, here to suffocate me further? Wherefore laughest thou at my Master? Wherefore followest thou His servant, but ridiculest He? How can this be, lest I be a wicked servant? O my disciples, ye wicked disciples, I did truly ask for thee, but I have failed to instruct thee! For surely thou wouldst not have heeded my words, but yet, thou hast ears, and thou canst hear. But what hath I spaken for thee to hear? If thou hast naught to hear, what hast thou to heed?"

How I suffer for them, but I speak naught, and for this I suffer only for me. How do I draw such pain but from mine own failures? For the disciples do indeed speak, but I speak not, but jest with them. To this end, no truth floweth, but only laughter, which fluttereth away as quickly as it cometh. Though laughter is right and good, it is not the whole, and it maketh whole no man. Wherefore can I marvel and wonder, then, when my disciples remain as they are? For if the servant doth naught, how then shall the Master reap his harvest? He hath condemned he who burieth His treasure when he commandeth wise investment. He hath condemned the tree which beareth no fruit. And woe! I am like unto both of these!

"O disciples!" I cry once again into the vacuum, "How I love you! How I suffer for you! How I fear you! How I betray you with each passing meeting!"